dispersing & reflecting light through poetry

InspiRED Again

Inspiration struck again. This time from a different source and in a different way.

Kevin Rockwell, an old friend that I bunked with many years ago, showed up in town recently. We haven’t been in contact for 25 years or so, until recently on facebook. We got together for lunch this Saturday to catch up a bit. Kevin is an artist and has been doing pet portraits for individuals and pet organizations. We talked art and poetry longer than we planned. At one point, Kevin asked if I ever got writer’s block and how I dealt with it. I told him that I generally have to just sit down and write, write anything that comes to mind, regardless of whether I think it’s quality or not, to get past it.

When I got home I had some things to get done around the house. My wife was at work, so I might even have some time to write if all went well. And so it did. I thought I should take my own advice and try to throw together something on “The Sonnet”. Time to put in some perspiration.

And it paid off! I now have a completed draft.

Solomon, St. Valentine, and the Coming of Christ

In the Holy City with faith’s fresh start,
on a park bench—alone. With blushing shame
I read Wisdom’s Song sung from sickened heart
plagued with fever of most vehement flame:

banned by edict of darkened ruler’s claim
that young soldiers be more stout if not wed;
yet embraced by stouter priest whose sole aim,
the union of man and wife, cost his head.

This flowered crown’s among many behead
by those who deem to quench the fire of Christ,
unending flame whose strength shall raise the dead
all together whole, eternally spliced.

And I, one crumb this bread, one drop this wine,
shall ever consummate the feast divine.

This may get tweeked before final publication, but right now I’m fairly pleased with it. I constantly edit (perspire) as I write, which may or may not be the best way to get something on the page, but I can’t seem to help myself. The inspiration for this came from connecting (one of the themes of this poem is about connections). I don’t know how many times I’ve come back from a writer group session or a night of open mic poetry and want to sit down and write; write because I have thoughts and ideas to write about. Maybe not connected with the topics of discussion or the poems I heard read, but something creative gets joustled and nudged loose that needs expression.

Writing can be a lonely process, but human beings are not meant to be alone. I mentioned in a previous post that I like to reference bread and wine in some of my poems. The final couplet comes from 1 Corinthians 10:17. This is telling us that we are not alone in this. As many individuals connected together we make up that one bread, the body of Christ.

Copyright © 2015 Scott Daniel Massey

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Comments on: "InspiRED Again" (6)

  1. I like the sonnet. You have a lively and interesting style. Do you mind if I make a few suggestions? Maybe you are still revising?

    • I accept and listen to any and all suggestions. I would be honored to hear them.

    • Sir. I apologize sincerely. As I was responding to your well thought out critique and suggestions, my computer, which has a mind of its own (I think it’s the touch pad right where my hands rest), deleted your thoughts and my reply. I did appreciate your comments and will be looking into them (I know “spliced” was weak). Please resend the link to your other sites, as I would like to look into them. I again apologize.
      Scott Daniel Massey

  2. Awesome. First let me say it mostly reads very smooth, and kept me interested. It was fairly formal and had some old fashioned notes like the first line of the third stanza and the first line of the couplet but it was still lively. I have three suggestions for you. The first line and 2/5 are not so iambic are they? My scansion’s not so good, and I know there is flexibility with iambs, but I thought you might want to start with the third line, revise a bit, but keep the rhyme scheme. (Though I love calling Charlotte the Holy City and the presence of a park bench.) When you go into the second stanza I had a lot of trouble telling the connection to the first stanza, especially since they share a sentence. I think the speaker may be taking Valentine as an instructor – as to avoid sexual immorality. The lack of context, especially grammatical, leaves this buried. (The transition into the return of Christ also has a buried theme, which is not always bad, but you might consider making the connections between the reading of the Song, Valentine, and the return of Christ, more open.) Thirdly, do you want to say “spliced”? It has kind of a negative connotation? Well, I hope that’s not too much. BTW, I have a poetry site at theslowroom.com and if you ever want to email me – we can trade poems and you can find my address on the front page of my other site – unfailingword.com. Thanks and good poem!

  3. I found it! I had the WordPress app open with your comment on my phone and thankfully was able to retrieve it again.

    Thank you for taking the time to offer your observations and suggestions for the bettering of my poem. My scansion is not so good either; I will look into the lines you point to. (What did you mean by “2/5”?) I am a bit partial to that third line as is though. It was the first line that was constructed (see my post “InspiRED”).

    As to connecting the Song, Valentine, and the return of Christ, the reason I chose the Spenserian form of sonnet with its intermingled rhyme scheme was to intertwine the three subjects. This was also part of the difficulty, and the reason it took me so long to get to actually writing the poem. Again, something to look into.

    And I knew “spliced” was weak from the start (you noticed). I may have to rework the rhyme scheme for those two lines; which won’t be too bad, considering it’s only two lines.

    Again, thank you for your input. With your permission, I would like to use your critique as part of a post. Criticism and analysis are, after all, part of the process of poetry (or should be).

  4. […] I recently received a comment from asherblake, Lion’s Roar Sparow’s Twitter regarding InspiRED Again: […]

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